Of Course

Robyn Gobbel writes thoughtful posts about parenting children who have experienced trauma, but her ideas can also be useful in dealing with other situations. For instance, she writes a lovely post about saying "of course":

Try it now. Think of the most absurd thing that’s happened in your house today. Bring that picture to mind. Say to yourself “Of course.”

The words “Of course” inherently bring order and coherence. They instantly calm the amygdala…even if just a little. They help you find that “proverbial pause” that is so important before you respond. “Of course” helps you find compassion and understanding. “Of course” brings coherence into your own body, which then allows you to approach your child with coherence instead of chaos.

I’m not saying this will solve all your problems and most certainly it will not stop your child raging in the moment. Though you may find that the rage ends sooner because you’ve stopped pushing against it.

Want to know another secret? You can try this with EVERYONE!! OF COURSE your best friend was hurtful when she said that. OF COURSE you felt hurt! OF COURSE your spouse got defensive and stormed off. OF COURSE your child’s teacher has no idea what to do with a traumatized student.

This was a new concept to me, so of course I had to try it. :-) And I think she's right. What about you?