Bereavement tips

She, if she had to, would grieve wildly - with noise, mucus, paint on the canvas, blustery walks on beaches, curse words and exhausted sleep. But everyone grieves differently just as everyone loves in different ways.
~Susan Fletcher

For Wellness Wednesday, I'm thinking about everyone who has lost a loved one this year. Grieving during the holidays...what to do?



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City of Hope offers these suggestions:

Grieve together. “There is a tendency for those grieving to withdraw from social interactions to mourn alone,” Folbrecht said. “But by sharing this experience with others, they will know that they are not alone in this ordeal and are better able to share, and ultimately work through, their feelings.”

Be prepared for interactions. “Mourners may also avoid socializing because they are afraid to burden others with their grief, a feeling that is amplified over the holidays since they may meet people they do not regularly see throughout the year,” Folbrecht said. To address that, Folbrecht suggests mentally preparing with how much (or little) they want to disclose about the situation to various social circles. Finally, mourners should be not be afraid to say "no" or "later" if the situation becomes too overwhelming.

Consider your traditions. One reason the holidays can intensify sadness is because cherished activities become a source of pain. Rather than focus on the loss, Folbrecht suggests mourners should examine what traditions they want to keep and practice to remember their loved ones. "Some traditions may be difficult to continue after the loss, so loved ones should consider replacing them with new activities that honors the death while helping loved ones through the grieving process," Folbrecht said.

Don't forget self care. “Grieving is a very exhausting process for both the mind and body, so it’s important to take a break for self care,” Folbrecht said. The holidays offer numerous opportunities for mourners to take their minds off bereavement, she added, suggesting that they volunteer at a food and clothing drive, write greeting cards to loved ones or simply check out the festive decorations in their neighborhoods. Activities like exercising, meditating and enjoying a massage will also help reduce the stress of the holidays.

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from From Finding Holiday Joy Amid the Grief:

Discover Small Joys

As the holidays unfold, tune into small joyful moments, Apollon advises. "When you hear the laughter of children, focus on how good that feels. When you eat a piece of pie, really taste it. In the moment, it tastes so good -- and in that moment, you're outside your grief."Also, look for opportunities to laugh. "When you're laughing, your brain produces endorphins to boost the immune system," she says. "Give yourself permission to find things that make you laugh."

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Here's a tip from Chesapeake Life Center's bereavement counselors:

Above all, communicate: Communicate what you can handle comfortably during this time to your friends and family. “Let folks know that you might need to take a break from festivities after a while,” Roberta Rook, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, said. Let them know it’s not because you don’t want to be with them, but because you need the time to recharge and gather yourself. Tell them whether or not it’s alright for them to talk about your loved one. Make them aware if you need to make changes in your role in family holiday responsibilities. “By relating your needs, you minimize the chances for misunderstandings and hurt feelings,” Rook said.

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Another video, although this one focuses on depression during the holidays.

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Lastly, here's Gayle Danley, Your Grief Girl

Alma Deutscher

Alma’s most important talent is the perfect connection between her inner world and the melodies she creates, which are so beautiful because they stem directly from this inner world. Few composers can write such tunes, which from the first moment are immediately impressed upon our memory, and thus turn into the possession of all those who listen to them.
~Ron Weidberg

Pre-teen composer, pianist, and violinist Alma Deutscher today.

From her web site: "Aged 10, Alma finished a full length opera, Cinderella. A chamber version of the opera was performed in 2015, and the full version will be premiered in Vienna in December 2016 under the patronage of Maestro Zubin Mehta."

All those cycles of the seasons

The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been.
~Madeleine L'Engle

Bookshop El Ateneo, photo by Josefina

Three poems from Women's Voices for Change: Redefining Life after Forty.

Used Book
by Julie Kane

What luck—an open bookstore up ahead
as rain lashed awnings over Royal Street,
and then to find the books were secondhand,
with one whole wall assigned to poetry;
and then, as if that wasn’t luck enough,

read the rest here

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Word Pond
by Susan Kolodny

Go back, past the curtain of details, the wall
of chores, the grimy surfaces that obscure.
Go around the corners, under the broken fence,
crawl if you have to over moss, snail
slime, climb up the uneven hills

read the rest here

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Her Art
by LaWanda Walters

I’d like to cry on Elizabeth Bishop’s shoulder.
I lost my mother’s engagement ring, for one thing.
Not your fault, she’d say. So much seems to want
to be lost. Even if, one day, in anger or grief
you threw it across the room or placed it somewhere
safe, the fact is, now, it’s gone. Just read my poem.

Remember? My mother’s watch was in that poem.
My losses are famous. Don’t cry on anyone’s shoulder—
even if I were available, I’m lost somewhere.

read the rest here

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Carol's Corner has the Poetry Friday round-up. Thanks, Carol!

Models

All too often in the commercial world, we are overwhelmed with monumental images, distracting sound bites, and overall visual clutter. This exhibition causes each of us to pause quietly and look closely at the meticulous skill with which the subjects are rendered, as reflected in the patient attention to detail, artistic expression, and the ideal of perfection.
~Ken Rollins

Models today. Not the human kind -- the small-version-of-a-bigger-thing kind.

Bekonscot
photo by Ian Usher

Stone'enge
photo by Glamhag

Trafalgar Day, Greenwich Maritime Museum, London
Louis Vest

Verona Model Expo, 2013
Angelo Moneta

York Model Railway Exhibition
Peter Taylor

Lugano, Swiss Miniatur
Allan Watt

Set design model for Giuseppe Verdi's Otello, 1895
by Marcel Jambon (1848-1908)
photo by Gallica

York Model Railway Exhibition
Peter Taylor

Cake

Cakes are healthy, too -- you just eat a small slice.
~Mary Berry

Back with more Wellness Wednesday! We all need a laugh sometimes, so today, we have The God of Cake from Allie Brosh's Hyperbole and a Half:

My mom baked the most fantastic cake for my grandfather's 73rd birthday party. The cake was slathered in impossibly thick frosting and topped with an assortment of delightful creatures which my mom crafted out of mini-marshmallows and toothpicks. To a four-year-old child, it was a thing of wonder - half toy, half cake and all glorious possibility.

But my mom knew that it was extremely important to keep the cake away from me because she knew that if I was allowed even a tiny amount of sugar, not only would I become intensely hyperactive, but the entire scope of my existence would funnel down to the singular goal of obtaining and ingesting more sugar. My need for sugar would become so massive, that it would collapse in upon itself and create a vacuum into which even more sugar would be drawn until all the world had been stripped of sweetness.

So when I managed to climb onto the counter and grab a handful of cake while my mom's back was turned, an irreversible chain reaction was set into motion.

I had tasted cake and there was no going back. My tiny body had morphed into a writhing mass of pure tenacity encased in a layer of desperation. I would eat all of the cake or I would evaporate from the sheer power of my desire to eat it.

My mom had prepared the cake early in the day to get the task out of the way. She thought she was being efficient, but really she had only ensured that she would be forced to spend the whole day protecting the cake from my all-encompassing need to eat it. I followed her around doggedly, hoping that she would set the cake down - just for a moment.

Read the rest here

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Quicksand

And if the world shakes
Your brittle heart breaks
We will patch it up, we'll work it out
~Tom Chaplin

Love the little boy in this video by Tom Chaplin:

Mythical monsters in music

Where there's a labyrinth, there's a minotaur, and vice versa! I can't imagine a decent maze that would be caught dead without a minotaur.
~Catherynne M. Valente

Cool article about 7 Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them (In Classical Music).

New and Old

[Jane Austen] stepped forth as an author, breathing gaiety and youth, robed in dazzling light.
~Elizabeth Jenkins

An old poem, a new winner, and a new giveaway! Our Orchestral Etsy giveaway winner is...

LINDA MITCHELL!

Congrats, Linda! I will email your gift card to you a.s.a.p.

Bee on butterfly bush by Jim

And now, a poem I wrote during a swap for Keri (who keeps bees).

Exhortation to a bee
By Tabatha Yeatts
For Keri

My present elegancies have not yet made me indifferent to such matters. I am still a cat if I see a mouse.
~Jane Austen in a letter to her sister

When laden low
and wandering drowsily,
humming a song
of your own invention
as your belly hangs
down, full of sucre soup,
and your legs, ablaze with gold,
dazzle dust specks
that float even more lazily
than you –

berate yourself not,
when even in this lumbering
state, with appointed tasks ahead,
you find yourself drifting
toward a bloom that has just
come of age –

like an author
when she sees a
swath of untouched page,
when a flower opens –
a bee is still a bee.

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One more giveaway! I'm giving away a copy of Kitty Hawk and the Curse of the Yukon Gold, the first installment in a series of adventure mystery stories that are one part travel, one part history and five parts adventure. This first installment of the Kitty Hawk Flying Detective Agency Series introduces Kitty Hawk, an intrepid teenage pilot with her own De Havilland Beaver seaplane and a nose for mystery and intrigue. A cross between Amelia Earhart, Nancy Drew and Pippi Longstocking.

If you want it, email me at tabatha(at)tabathayeatts(dot)com before December 1st.

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Friendly Fairy Tales has the round-up. Thanks, Brenda!

Bumbershoots

Umbrellas, like faces, acquire a certain sympathy with the individual who carries them.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

Bumbershoots and parapluies today, also known as umbrellas. I feel like I could practically do an umbrella series.

Egoyomi: a girls jumps form Kiyomizu-dera
by Suzuki Harunobu (1724–1770)

Paris Street; Rainy Weather
by Gustave Caillebotte, 1877

Shop decoration - Budapest, 2016
photo by Elekes Andor

Lotus Lilies
by Charles Courtney Curran

The Kissing Students, Tartu, Estonia
photo by Geonarva

Couple under umbrella in snow
by Suzuki Harunobu

At the Races in the Country, c. 1872
by Edgar Degas

Japanese higasa (parasol/umbrella) on the grounds of Hikone castle
photo by Japanexperterna.se

Working those muscles (sort of)

(S)o much is happening now; you must be patient like someone who is sick, and confident like someone who is recovering; for perhaps you are both. And more: you are also the doctor, who has to watch over himself.
~Rainer Maria Rilke

Wellness Wednesday!

First, just in case anybody needs to do this kind of Thanksgiving prep: 10 Tips for Surviving Thanksgiving with the Dysfunctional Family

Tensing your muscles and releasing them is a very effective way to relax. I like doing it with my eyes shut, but this video from Children's Mercy Hospital does have some interesting visuals. So put on your headphones and listen, eyes open or not:

Le lagrime di San Pietro

Now it's easy to see that, when afraid,
I was beyond myself and had lost my mind,
for I denied the very life for fear of death,
when I looked for a way out of peril.

Le lagrime di San Pietro (the tears of Saint Peter) consists of the music of composer Orlande de Lassus set to the poems of Luigi Tansillo. The poems were originally published in 1560 and the music was written in 1594. The composition is so heart-filling and beautiful that you can see why people are still performing it over four hundred years later. In the video, the music starts at 1:15.



Collegium Vocale Gent

Ancient Irish bards

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine.
Under the shelter of each other, people survive.
~Gaelic proverb

Bards in ancient Ireland were highly regarded. "The Ollamh Érenn or Chief Ollam of Ireland was a professional title of Gaelic Ireland. An ollam (literally 'most great') was a poet or bard of literature and history... A modern equivalent in government would be a Minister for Education & Culture combined with the post of Poet Laureate. His social status was equal to the High King of Ireland and he had his own palace and a large retinue of about thirty ollamhs together with their servants." [Wikipedia]

John Kelly writes, "Ancient Ireland revered its bards, who commanded status, power, respect, celebrity, and fear. The first-millennial Celts believed their poets could literally kill with magical satire. According to folk tradition, the poets conjured up invectives that blistered the skin of foes and sent rival poets (or stingy patrons) to their graves. Early Irish law even criminalized satirical 'crimes of the tongue' equal in offense to property theft and spousal rape...The bardic tradition persisted in Ireland through the 17th century, and superstitions about their craft lived on with it."

Here's a hymn in Irish and Latin written by Mael Ísu Ua Brolcháin. When his death was recorded in 1086, he was listed as "the chief sage of Ireland." Almost a thousand years later, his song still resonates in the heart.



Note:
I scheduled nearly all of November's posts in October, so that's why there won't be a lot that reflects the catastrophe, I mean, the election. I forgot to add anything for Veteran's Day, but if you're interested in a painless way to help vets, consider donating to a vets organization, such as Team Rubicon, through Amazon Smile. I just passed a hundred donations -- not sure whether I should be pleased about that or concerned about how much I spend on Amazon!

Last call for the Etsy gift card giveaway...

Jama's Alphabet Soup has the round-up. Thanks, Jama!

Carl Larsson

For these pictures are of course a very genuine expression of my personality, of my deepest feelings, of all my limitless love for my wife and children.
~Carl Larsson

I find paintings by Swedish artist Carl Larsson (1853–1919) charming -- there's an element of love and whimsy, something very cozy about them. When I looked up his biography, I discovered that he had a difficult, poverty-stricken childhood. You can tell that he had a happy adulthood, though, with his wife Karin and their many children.

Self Portrait
by Carl Larsson

Karin by the shore
by Carl Larsson

A Day of Celebration
by Carl Larsson
This watercolour shows the Larsson children at five in the morning, all dressed up to celebrate the maid Emma on her name day. The maids’ room in the farmhouse had been decorated by Karin Larsson, and a few of the many textiles she designed for the family home can be seen here.

Mirror Portrait (with Brita)
by Carl Larsson

The Gate
by Carl Larsson

After the prom
by Carl Larsson

Getting ready for a game
by Carl Larsson

A Bite!
by Carl Larsson

Carl Larsson's birthplace, Stockholm, Sweden
photo by Hedwig Storch

Wellness Wednesday?

[G]rowing into your future with health and grace and beauty doesn’t have to take all your time. It rather requires a dedication to caring for yourself as if you were rare and precious, which you are, and regarding all life around you as equally so, which it is.
~Victoria Moran

I'm thinking about starting a new weekly post on Wednesdays focusing on things that help people cope with stress, be healthier, feel better. What do you think of "Wellness Wednesday" as a name? Open to suggestions!

Today I'm posting a collection of things I've already shared:

How to give yourself a hand massage
Teen relaxation music (also good for other ages!)
Soothing sounds (Tibetan singing bowls)
A meditative poem
Poems to lean on
Changing lives with meditation (about a program)
A permission slip to use as needed
Free compliments
Watching people dance cheers me up
More dancing
Whimsical addendum:
Moustaches: Art Thursday
Smiles: Art Thursday
Two feel-good videos from The Piano Guys
A heartwarming sister act
Alan Rickman's Answering Machine (A day may come when I get tired of Alan Rickman's answering machine, but this is not that day...)

Maybe you've been thinking about trying yoga but haven't gotten around to it? Here are videos from Yoga with Adrienne:



I like this short stretch:

Take care of this house

Take care of this house
Be always on call
For this house is the home of us all
~Alan Jay Lerner/Leonard Bernstein

This song is from the musical 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and "This House" refers to the White House. I heard our high school choir perform it recently. The choir director said it's his "election year song." Good pick.

Kimono

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Kimono, which literally means "thing to wear," is defined as "a long, loose robe with wide sleeves and tied with a sash, originally worn as a formal garment in Japan and now also used elsewhere as a robe." I like the rich, complementary colors and textures.

By Utagawa Kuniyoshi
Museum of Fine Arts, Boston

ASO!*koyu* Yukata Series
MENI from ASO! & Soothe

A merchant making up the account
by Katsushika Hokusai (1760–1849)

Antique kimono
photo by tonko43

Kimono, butterfly on the back
Sgt.Steiner

Going Out, 1926
by Chen Cheng-po (1895–1947)

By Yamamoto Hōsui (1850–1906)

Dyed by Light Red
by Omiya Tou

A bijin compared to the beauty of the pine covered islands at Matsushima in Rikuzen Province, 1898
by Toyohara Chikanobu